I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
