i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
