Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Princesses don't give blow jobs
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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