Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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