So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
