Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
