1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she pinky promised me she was 18
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
