College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish I only lived at night.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
