remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
