She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
