His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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