If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
