Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
