We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
