Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
smell my finger.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
