At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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