Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This can only be settled by a dance off.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
