So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
