just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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