Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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