My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize