Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
