I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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