you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
