Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
