First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
