I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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