If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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