i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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