Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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