I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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