my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
