Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
