shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
