well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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