So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
