i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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