you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
