I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
