apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
