A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so explain again why im purple
no
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
