hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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