I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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