A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
