I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
