I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
