Umm I'm too high to move.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
