first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
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I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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