i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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