Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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