You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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