Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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