Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
