I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Actions speak louder than pants.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
