i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize