I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
