therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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