Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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