We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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