I think I just saw someone hide a body.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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