so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
