i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
