May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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