I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
