haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
that's an acceptable place to lick
i will never coherently bang her
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
