Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
