foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think people are normalizing furries
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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