So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
