Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
