You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
