he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
