I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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