Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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