I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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