Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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