totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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