nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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